One Year-Post Locs | What I Know Now

in one year, so much can change and remain the same.

here's what I do know, now...

i no longer track time based on days, months and years, but rather through the lessons I've learned, the details associated with seeing patterns and working through contrasts.

life is living my transformations and creating space for integration.

i have so much more space when i spend time alone — and then i get to share it with those that matter most to me, understand my journey through the lens of their own lives and are able to hold sacred space for themselves as well. i can say that i trust the idea of Tribe more than ever. i know it to be real and true.

i've enjoyed no hair for a year now, and it's now come time to grow it back, i think. it's interesting how now that i've slowed down, i can feel how rapidly it grows from my scalp. i think there's a life lesson somewhere here.

all my puppies left me. it's cool though. it was in perfect timing.

i also now know there are no absolutes no matter how much my Piscean ways wants "black + white", and "yes or no's".

im beginning to embrace "grey" and "maybe, but not yets" through understanding healthy boundaries and compassion originating from my heart and not my mind. i know that everything in front of me, playing out on this plane, are things I've created and/or required to contribute to.

i've learned avoidance is sticky tool and slippery slope.

i know that i can never see or feel comfort until im faced with fear and find myself looking back.

i know that i can love in many different ways.

and that sometimes saying "No" is the best way to share it.

in it, i can create the "Yes" that is needed and most desired.

i know my eyes are healing and speak for more than just me.

May 1. 2017


In response to my original post (I've shared below as well):

1 year ago, when I cut off my locs of nearly 5 years. May 1, 2016

1 year ago, when I cut off my locs of nearly 5 years.
May 1, 2016


let me share with you, all that I don't know.

about the times that right is down, and up is being left alone for a while.

when I don't know why even isolation feels crowded and overpopulated.

or why my crown of glory is too tangled with previous thoughts and traumas to recognize its royalty.

why unconditioning my conditioning leaves me wondering what is necessary and what is nuanced; wondering where is reality amongst the illusions of truth.

I don't know how long a puppy's love lasts, or the exact moment it becomes an adult, but I hope neither happen before I feel well and connected again.

I don't know the difference between having a good friend with sex and taking a lover with great timing.

I also don't know when transitions and transformation become a lifestyle. or when living starts to feel like home.

I know today was the day I surrendered to yet another chance at change, a shedding of something with 'some things' attached to it.

I will miss my locs. But I know it's come time to let go, and move on..

#balinspired #nextchapter

Ash Johns