couple of thoughts. to hold me.us. over.

it’s been 3 months. fawk. 

im like a month behind on this blogging thing.. 

bali is still exciting but hella lonely. 

i’m still addicted to working too hard and too long and too often. 

so i’m gonna just embrace that. from a happy place. 

you become so much closer to some, 

yet so much farther from others, 

when you move so far away. how does that happen? 

i’m not tired of nasi goreng, or curry. or saying sama sama (you’re welcome) or makasihya (slang for thanks). but it’s time for proper bahasa lessons.

bali time is a real thing. and it’s been the most frustrating thing besides the language barrier for someone who has previously stopped being friends with people who have made me wait and/or are perpetually late. 

i’m learning patience. 

I asked for it. and I can’t take that back from the Universe. Jokes on me. 

I acquired a puppy. which means i’m cheating on Harper and yes, like any other time I’ve cheated in a relationship, i feel super guilty about it but while i’m petting her, i dont. Her name is Lily Ali. She’s Sweet and Black. so her name makes sense to me. More details to come later. yes she is a rescue dog, thus her breed is “bali dog”. 

Lily Ali part II - i guess this is what parents feel like when they have a second kid. no? someone with two kids send me a whatsapp msg so i can learn to love two things at once without feeling guilty. I only know how to do this in a limited, and not so widely accepted in traditional culture kind of way… 

ive cried. ive moaned. ive yelled. ive held my breath. ive slept in. ive drank. ive smoked. ive driven kilometers (whatever length of distance that even means). ive eaten, very well. ive talked to her and all my other ancestors and guides to help me cope. 

and then i remembered that resistance to reality is what causes anxiety and dis-ease. 

moving towards accepting the discomfort as natural and allowing myself to be submissive. ive been fighting against the culture shock and wanting to not miss people, places, things, touch, connection that i’ve only made the pain that much more unbearable. 

so unbearable that i’ve forgotten to look at the beautiful in and around me. 

and that’s ashame. but im over that now, so yeah. 

kisses to everyone that reads. 

- uncovered

Ashe